Wednesday, December 23, 2015

40 Big Dick Problems

For all my tripods getting tangled in their ipods...
#1. Your dick has a birthday two days after yours.

#2. The self-retracting tape measure kinks under its own weight before you get to accurately record your length.
                                                  
#3. She only ever asks for a threesome with a Sherpa.

#4. Sneezing violently after a shower so you have to spend an hour untangling yourself from the ceiling fan. 
 

#5. When her moans sound all weird from the Doppler effect as she goes up and down your shaft.
           
#6. People always laughing at your cock-knee accent.

#7. Having to sit awkwardly at an angle in your train seat so your morning wood fits along the hypotenuse of the carriage.

#8. "Unexpected item in baggage area."

#9. Accidentally scaring other men at public urinals when you shake after a pee and it makes a loud whipcrack sound.

#10. Concealing an erection by tucking it up under your Double Windsor knot.

#11. Lifetime ban from the putt-putt golf course.

#12. When you pass out naked at the beach and the Google Maps Car happens to be driving by and inadvertently documents the gradual sunburn of your foreskin as your penis slowly unravels and is carried down the coastline by the tide.

#13. A blind chick rolling on a ribbed condom mutters "TL;DR". 

#14. Having to shell out for an Extra Large popcorn bucket when you see Fifty Shades of Grey in the cinema.

#15. Itchy socks.

#16. Having to tape two selfie sticks together for sexting.

#17. Suing the amusement park for bodily harm because the sign only said 'Keep hands, arms and feet inside the ride at all times'.
 

#18. When the bus doors close too quickly and you end up having to pay full fare as your bell-end takes a tour of the city back to the depot. 

#19. The gravitational pull of the moon causes slight curvature to the left. 

#20. When you take twerking lessons but every time you start to rapidly undulate your hips you take off around the room like a helicopter. 

#20. Revolving doors. 

#21. Your penis keeps making a loud decrescendo gurgle noise like a Giggle Stick as you struggle to pass a kidney stone.

#22. Absentminded motorists reaching out when you’re standing at a petrol pump filling your car. 

#23. Causing a petrol station fire when your Prince Albert piercing sparks up against a drainage grate on the ground.  

#24. When you stuff up your over/under coiling technique halfway through and end up fumbling with a huge knot at the urinal later. 

#25. Even yo mama has to stop and reach for lube.

#26. Watching an Asian bj video, you appreciate the phantom limb sensation that amputees experience. 

#27. Getting an xray but the lead apron isn't long enough so they have to park a lead-lined truck in the room. 

#28. When your dick floors the accelerator in a small car and you do a mad burnout so everyone thinks you're overcompensating but really no your dick just massive and can’t really fit properly inside a small vehicle.
              
#29. Constantly being affected by several different time zones of morning wood. 

#30. Some idiot with a camera crew tries crawling into your urethra for an Eaten Alive special.

#31. Finding Size US14 Shoes but that's only a UK Size 13.

#32. All your children fall out prematurely and have to be re-inserted with expanding foam.

#33. Lawnmowers.

#34. Every time you go in for a physical, the nurse calls for backup on her walkie-talkie.

#35. Having to tape a potato to your scrotum and say 'Sorry for the long post' every time you fuck a 9gagger.

#36. Your bae keeps overfeeding you to acquire more safety padding.

#37. When you suggest a stretch hummer for prom night and your date gets pissed off because she thought you were referring to the limousine.

#38. Having to stand all alone atop the podium of a three-legged race.

#39. When you double-knot your shoelaces.

#40. Tourists keep posing in front of you like they’re propping you up.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Gender imbalance and James Ruse dominance in HSC results

It’s that time of year again when HSC Santa dusts off his sack of academic disappointment to deliver a sleighload of angst to all the boys and girls of the graduating year.


"Please, our school system is so underfunded we don't get chairs."

 As discussed in previous blogs, "Will Girls And Asians Dominate HSC Results This Year? Probably" and "Did Girls And Asians Dominate HSC Results This Year? Pretty Much", the HSC marking process is one of general anonymity with the ~65,000 students assigned an arbitrary identity number so that markers cannot be swayed by bias or prejudice (affected in subjects, of course, featuring a major work component, performance element or face-to-face language engagement.) 

With this otherwise equal playing ground in mind, however, not only is there a notable trend towards selective government Sydney schools dominating all results out of 800 schools in NSW (the same top 7 schools from my last analyses were the same top 7 schools this year) but certain demographics tend to dominate particular subjects each year, despite comprising a comparatively tiny percentage of the school population. (For example- i.e. eg: Chinese students at <4% of the population).



Below is a brief overview of First In Course winners displaying notable gender imbalance as well as a list of subjects that James Ruse Agricultural High School manages to dominate over all other schools in the state on a regular basis.


GENDER IMBALANCE FOR FIRST IN COURSE WINNERS:



Textiles
♀: 18   ♂: 0
With a gender disparity to the tune of 98.5%, it is no surprise that every First In Course award since 2001 has gone to girls.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♀♀
♀♀
♀♀

Engineering
♀: 0 ♂: 15
Year after year, over 96.5% of Engineering students are boys. North Sydney Boys’ shines particularly brightly in this subject.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♂NS
♂NS
♂NS
♂NS

Society & Culture
♀: 19   ♂: 1    
Girls with Croatian/Serbian/Czech/Russian sounding surnames. Hornsby Girls and St Mary’s represent all up in this business.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♀♀St
♀St
♀Ho
♀Ho
♂♀St
♀♀
♀♀St
♀♀Ho

Dance
♀: 17   ♂: 1
95% of Dance students are female. 17 White girls have won at this subject for 14 years in a row.  
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♀♂
♀♀♀

Software Design & Development
♀: 1     ♂: 15
With a 93-94% prevalence of boys in the subject, Moriah took the honours over Emanuel, Normanhurst Boys’ and Caringbah.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♂Mo
♂Mo
♀Ca
♂♂Ca
♂Mo
♂Em
♂NB
♂NB
♂Em

Food Technology
♀: 14   ♂: 1
Despite 25-33% of Food Studies students being boys, girls have won this subject every single year since 2002. Say what you will about Feminism, but I think over a decade of data covering tens of thousands of students displays a little scientific cred in gender stereotyping here.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
            
Construction Examination
♀: 1     ♂: 11  
As one of only 2 females enrolled in this course for 2011, the 97% male-dominated subject was certainly shown up that year
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
-
-
-
  
Physical Development, Health & Personal Education
♀: 15   ♂: 2
With 12/13 wins since 2001, this is dominated by White girls, despite the fact that almost twice as many boys take this subject every year as girls.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♀♀
♀♀
           
Drama
♀: 13   ♂: 2
The last 12 winners in a row for Drama have been White girls. 3 of them have been named Amelia.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♂JR
♂JR

History Extension
♀: 13   ♂: 2
With a slight dominance in 65% female enrolment rate, only 2 boys have topped this course in 15 years.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015

Arabic Continuers & Extension
♀: 17   ♂: 3
From 2001-2013, there have been 10 occasions where the same student topped both Arabic Continuers and Extension.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♀♀
♂♂
♀♀
♀♀
♀♀
           
Geography
♀: 13   ♂: 3
Abbotsleigh and Shore have put a finger in the pie chart more than once.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♀♀
♀Ab
♀Ab
♂Sh
♀Ab
♂Sh
           
Visual Arts
♀: 13   ♂: 6
Visual Arts has seen 12 First In Place wins for girls within 11 years, following 5 wins for boys within 4 years.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♂♀♀
♂♂
♀♀



JAMES RUSE DOMINANT SUBJECTS:


Agriculture
Pymble Ladies College: 4, James Ruse: 8
10 Chinese students have won Agriculture in 15 years. James Ruse Agricultural High School lives up to their title.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♀PLC
♀JR
♀JR
♂JR
♀JR
♂JR
♀JR
♀PLC
♂JR
♀PLC
♀JR
♀PLC

Biology
Abbotsleigh: 4, James Ruse: 5
Abbotsleigh and James Ruse go back and forth in dominance here.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♀Ab
♂JR
♀Ab
♀Ab
♀JR
♀Ab
♀JR
♂JR
♀JR

Chemistry
Baulkham Hills: 3, James Ruse: 4
8 Chinese girls have notched up a Chemistry win over 15 years.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♂JR
♀BH
♀BH
♀JR
♀JR
♀JR
♀♀
♂BH

Mathematics
James Ruse: 3
14 Chinese students have attained First In Course for Mathematics, despite being <4% of the Australian population. You do the math.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♂♂NS
♂♀
♂NS
♂♂♂
♀♀♀JR
♂JR
♀♀♂JR

Mathematics Extension I
James Ruse: 5
17 Chinese students have won First In Course for Mathematics Extension I over 15 years.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♂♂♂
♂JR♀JR
♂♀
♀♀
♂♂JR
♀JR
♀JR

Mathematics Extension II
Sydney Grammar: 5, James Ruse: 6
8 wins for Chinese students in Mathematics Extension II over 15 years.
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
♂SG
♂JR
♂SG
♀JR
♂JR♂SG
♀JR
♂SG
♀JR
♂SG
♂JR



And finally...

Modern Greek Beginners, Greek Continuers & Greek Extension
"I predict every year that each surname will contain either Z, V, K or OU and end in S."
2015: Antoniou, Kolevris, Samartzis
2014: Doulakis, Kefalas, Vallis
2013: Douroukis, Kapsabelis, Kolevris
2012: Markakis, Fassoulidis, Ahtypis
2011: Haralabopoulos, Boyages, Sansonios
2010: Zinonos, Kambouraki, Tsiknas-Kazantzis
2009: Moundoulas, Asimakopoulos
2008: Thomakos, Christodoulou, Voukelatos,
2007: Tzannes, Giannakos, Vgenopoulos, Gaitanos
2006: Katelaris, Pavlidis
2005: Tsepetzis, Kalogirou, Lianos
2004: Paschalidis, Vosper, Petropoulous
2003: Kalis, Xenos, Karageorgos
2002: Prassas, Sarris, Mouzouros
2001: Rennie, Menegakis, Koutoulas,