SBS Braces Itself For Backlash Regarding Asian Faces In Eurovision

Australia's Special Broadcasting Service, SBS, was established in 1975 to provide multilingual radio broadcasts to the Australian public, and later offered news and television programming from around the world. For decades, SBS expanded its channels and services to encompass the wide multicultural spectrum of Australian society, as well as transmitting a veritable plethora of niche world cinema, sports, and nudity-saturated Scandinavian porn to our screens.

A dedicated team of SBS journalists covering
the local Junior Tae-Kwon-Do semifinal

One staple of the SBS dégustation diet has been The Eurovision Song Contest, an international singing tournament which has been broadcast by the channel every year since 1983. Often abbreviated to Eurovision, this event is an annual talent show allowing Slavic countries to commit passive-aggressive political powerplays via thinly-veiled downvoting of one another's glittery jumpsuits, hairspray, and strobelit yodelling performances.

Why are we bombing the Middle East again?

In 2016, Australia was inexplicably allowed to compete in the Eurovision contest for a second year, despite being about as geographically European as Argentina is. What's more, the key faces representing our country to the European audience and millions of viewers around the world, were entrant Dami Im and SBS newsreader, Lee Lin Chin.

Damn, Dami Im. Back at it again with the white gowns.

Lee Lin arranges her global conquests in order of decimation.

 As you may notice, neither Korean-born Dami Im nor Indonesian-born Lee Lin Chin generally represent what one would consider the 'traditional' Australian face. Ms Chin was already the recent subject of outcry regarding her nomination for a Gold Logie award along with presenter Waleed Aly, so further backlash for being the representative of Australia to a global audience is almost inevitably going to hit our newspaper articles and blogs tomorrow...

Indeed, as the 'traditional' face of our land, it seems amiss that our nation's Aboriginal people were not selected as representatives of Australian culture, music and messages to the international community. As SBS shamelessly floods our tvs and digital device screens with nonstop influences of Macedonian weather reports, Swedish nudist colony documentaries and 1971 Luge competition replays, then splashes Asian faces out as the embodiment of our culture, the real Australia is whittled away into a forgotten memory.

#HashtagTheRealAustralia

Indigenous comedienne Nakkiah Lui and Indigenous rapper Briggs, who have both publicly called out White Australians on several occasions for donning blackface at costume parties, are sure to let fly with the scathing critiques of SBS' choice of Eurovision Spokesperson and vocal performer within the next 24 hours.

 

#OlympicsSoBlack

In a move that has become all-too-familiar for athletics fans, the 2016 Olympic Games recently unveiled its selection for the 100m sprinting finals in both the men's and women's divisions, comprised entirely of black athletes.

  

The selection committee faced immediate backlash from members of the athletic community, for its continued exclusion of pale, pasty, light-skinned, pallid, chalky, or otherwise white competitors.

"Enough is enough. You really have to begin to wonder after a while," stated one anonymous track commentator, whose years of experience in the booth at international athletics events around the world has seen countless sprinters of African descent proliferating throughout sprinting finals.

"Running is an objectively measurable skill of human physicality practiced the world over. How is it then that you only ever see black faces at the starting blocks and taking the podium, year after year?"

Indeed, it has been notable over the past decade of international sprinting competitions that a disproportionate number of black sprinters regularly take the top spots. Such disregard for the appearance of Hispanic/Latino, Antipodean, South-East Asian, Central Asian, North-West Asian, Middle Eastern, South-South-East Middle Eastern and European athletes has been described as 'discriminatory', 'racist' and 'inevitably comparable to something Nazi'.

"Repeatedly broadcasting the same black figures to televisions around the globe at every Olympics is detrimental to minority groups and aspiring sprinters the world over," commented Gary Norman, son of historic white sprinter Peter Norman who became internationally renowned for standing quietly to the side as a Black Power salute was performed atop the podium at the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City.

"Diversity and difference should be celebrated on an international platform such as the 100m sprinting final, not blackwashed with the same dark tones every time." Norman added.
"Nobody seriously tunes in to watch any other event, yeah? And it's like a goddamn Nutella spill down there on the track every time, am I right?"

Whilst Olympic officials have yet to comment on the public backlash, one representative was heard to let slip at a recent press conference in Brazil a mention of 'fucking genetics you morons' before his microphone was abruptly cut off and he was ushered quickly off stage.

Are the Olympics sprinting finals too black?
We'll leave the following images with you for you to decide for yourself.

C-c-c-combo breaker!