16 Rainbow-Filtered Facebook Photos You Won't See Today

The US Supreme Court today ruled 5:4 in favour of legalising same-sex marriage across the nation.

In response, many citizens have blown up Facebook with celebratory profile pictures filtered with a spectrum-striped rainbow flag. Several variations of Tony Abbott images have been employed to comment on Australia's lagging behind the rest of the world in the area of marriage equality.

Here are a bunch of images you probably won't be seeing people throw up today, in homage to the hallowed institution and historic tapestry of marriage which homosexual couples are now becoming a part of:

1.

One Kenyan lawyer has offered 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats 

for 16-year-old Malia Obama's hand in marriage. Another man has offered 500 cows. 

Who can put a price on chivalry these days? 

2.

Tsk, the signs were all there if we'd only just adjusted our monitors.

3.

"The fundamental bedrock principle that [marriage] exists
between a man and a woman... and that its primary principle role during
those millenia has been the raising and socialising of children..."

-Hillary Clinton

4.

It's like arranged, on your wedding day
It's like a free bride, when you've already paid

5. 

 #LoveWins

6. 

It's important to maintain the sacrosanct traditional roots of marriage.

7.

Rainbows are the symbol of mature consenting adult love. 

8.

 Marriage: bringing Avril Lavigne and Nickelback together
via a legally-documented bond of lifetime unity.

9.  

9 being the age of the betrothed child bride Aisha
when she was first fucked by the Prophet Muhammad. 

10.

 Nothing screams holy sanctity of marriage like
Kim Kardashian's 72 day marriage to Kris Humphries;

prior to marrying Kanye West. #KKK.

11.

Did you know the USA has a 53% ratio of divorce to marriage each year? 

12.

Polygamy is an aberration unto the Lord.
Polygyny, however, is totally kosher.

13.

 Skittles called it years ago.

 14.

Marriage: become a statistic! 

15.

Marriage: a gateway drug to MORE MARRIAGE! :D

16.

Cheers to marriage equality!
Red-orange-yellow-green-blue-violet weddings for all!

8 Hot Tips On How To Woo Taylor Swift

8 HOT TIPS ON HOW TO WOO TAYLOR SWIFT

Taylor Swift, with her golden honey locks, adorable anime chipmunk chin and carefree demeanour (yet rocking a fierce eyeliner gaze that can punctuate coquettish flair from 100 yards) is a world-renowned pop star who seems forever cursed with a perpetual string of relationship failures.

 

Despite dating several hotshot celebrity names, our beloved starlet never seems to settle for longer than a few months before spreading her wings to seek greener pastures and catchier melodies about aforementioned breakup subject matter.

However, by analysing the lyrics of Taylor Swift’s numerous romance songs, Average Joes just like YOU will be able to garner some insight into the mind of the most eligible bachelorette on the planet and use this information to court her more effectively into a stable long-term relationship.

Behold: 8 juicy strategies on how to win over Taylor Swift, based on subliminal hints she has scattered throughout her albumography.

#1. SHOW HER THAT YOU HAVE EYES

Taylor Swift is rather fond of the proverbial windows to the soul, with frequent mentions of eyes found throughout her song lyrics. Although blue and brown eye colours have caught her fancy, it is evident that green eyes are her clear favourite, so ensure you flash her those emerald gems whenever possible, Potter.

By synchronising your blinking patterns with hers, you will also maximise the amount of time you spend together with uninterrupted eye contact.

Get me with those green eyes, baby

- Sparks Fly

Didn't you flash your green eyes at me?

- Wonderland

Green eyes and freckles and your smile

- Everything Has Changed

Cory's eyes are like a jungle [Jungles are green! –Ed.]
- Stay Beautiful

Something in his deep brown eyes
- Superman

Blue eyes

- State of Grace

Your beautiful eyes stare right into my eyes

- Beautiful Eyes

Keep your eyes open

- Eyes Open

Your eyes still shined like pretty lights

- Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)

Your eyes light up when you smile
-  Invisible

#2. ARGUE WITH HER AT 2AM

Our dear Taytay is a bit of a night owl and apparently loves talking well into the early hours. Indulge her nocturnal tastes with arguments, feuds and embittered conversations which will inevitably lead to a furious cathartic purging of emotions via angry sex, prior to apologetic makeup sex directly afterwards.

2.00AM, who do you love?

- Enchanted

It's 2.00AM in my room

- I Wish You Would

2.00AM, riding in your truck

- Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)

It’'s 2:00AM and I'm cursin' your name

- The Way I Loved You

I remember that fight, 2.30AM

- Mine

4.00AM, the second day

- Come Back… Be Here

#3. A ‘J’ NAME IS JINXED, BUT THERE IS NO ‘I’ IN ‘BREAKUP SONG’

 Taylor Swift has dated the following J-name lads:

- Joe Jonas

- Jake Gyllenhaal

- John Mayer

This trend suggests a subliminal annoyance with anyone afflicted with a ‘juh’-sounding name, considering none of those relationships has worked out.

(The whole Triple-J debacle recently was additional salt in the J-shaped wound.)

Furthermore, her other ex-boyfriends include

- Taylor Lautner

- Connor Kennedy

- Harry Styles

- Zac Efron
Out of 76 letters in these names, note that the vowel ‘i’ does not appear once. By process of elimination we can therefore deduce that the letter ‘i’ is Taylor Swift’s Achilles Heel, for you to come along and dot with a loveheart.

We already know of Taylor’s affinity for ‘eyes’, so she will surely go for a name peppered with ‘i’s. 
Did you see what ‘I’ did there?

Aye, captain.

#4. HAVE LONG, VOLUPTUOUS  HAIR

Sorry baldies, but TSwiz is totally enamoured by lush locks of keratin spilling out from one's scalp; praising the trait in several of her ballads. Hit up the Rogaine aisle quicksmart if you want to have any chance of winning over her heart by going to get your weave did.

You got that long hair, slicked back
- Style

I like the way your hair falls in your face
- Jump Then Fall

Run your hands through your hair
- Fearless

To the fella over there with the hella good hair
- Shake It Off

#5. LAUGH AT HER JOKES

Taylor is such a hoot, you guys! Oh boy, does she crack the funnies. 

Show her how much you appreciate her comedic genius by giggling, cacking it, guffawing and chortling at all the right moments. You know, moments like that time she, uh… … ahhh…  just… … … haaa, just *sooooo many* whimsical moments, y’know.

That girl, I tell ya. What a wit.

Your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard 
- Jump Then Fall

I'm the one who makes you laugh 
- You Belong With Me

You throw your head back laughing like a little kid 
- Begin Again

I hear your laugh 
- The Best Day

Our song is the way you laugh on the first date 
- Our Song

I could go back to every laugh 
- Come In With The Rain

#6. OR AT LEAST GRIN LIKE AN IDIOT ALL THE TIME

 Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town 
- You Belong With Me

You're tied together with a smile
 - Tied Together With A Smile

You smile that beautiful smile 
- Superstar

Calm my fears with a Cheshire Cat smile 
- Wonderland

I love the gap between your teeth
 - Ours

#7. HER FETISH FOR HEADLIGHTS AND BEING CHAUFFERED

It is a character trait of one TS that she believes in the more traditional gender norms of a relationship, and the stereotypical guy with a flashy car seems to toot her horn, crank her engine and… inject fuel lubricants… into her… carburettor? Look, I catch public transport, okay.

Ensure you wax up your hood, buffer your boot, polish your hubcaps and stock up that backseat with plenty of pine tree air refreshers for all of the vehicular action awaiting you when taking Tay out for a night to paint the town Red. (Red was the name of one of her albu- you know what, forget it.)

You come and pick me up, no headlights
- Style

Two headlights shine through the sleepless night
- Treacherous

Headlights pass the window pane
- I Wish You Would

He opens up my door and I get into his car
- The Way I Loved You

Drive out of the city, away from the crowds
- Wildest Dreams

Grab the keys and we drive and drive
- The Best Day

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car
- Our Song

You're in the car on the way to the movies
- Never Grow Up

So baby, drive slow
- Fearless

We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate
- All Too Well

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
- Red

Now it’s big black cars, and Riviera views
- The Lucky One

Remember when you hit the brakes too soon?
- Out Of The Woods

You never let me drive
- Picture To Burn

So I drive home alone
- Teardrops On My Guitar

#8. COMPLIMENT HER DRESSES AND LIPSTICK

Taylor takes particular pride in her refined vintage look, so make sure you notice when she rouges up her lips and dons the latest frock that will soon have her Instagram followers frothing at the credit card for purchase.

This commitment will inevitably result in many hours a week spent watching her try on different outfits, which means plenty of time watching her changing out of these outfits in between you humming “Yeah, that’s nice. Yeah, that looks good. Yeah, that works. Yeah, I liked the other one better…” before you can go out to the local café for a morning coffee.

I hope you think ‘that little black dress’
- Tim McGraw

And that little black dress
- The Other Side Of The Door

You’ll pick out a white dress
- Love Story

The girl in the dress, cried the whole way home
- Dear John

Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress
- Holy Ground

With you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress
- Fearless

Standing there in my party dress
- The Moment I Knew

You'll remember me standing in a nice dress
- Wildest Dreams

You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore
- Clean

Red lips and rosy cheeks
- Wildest Dreams

I got that red lip classic thing that you like
- Style

In red lipstick with no one to impress
- The Moment I Knew

#9. BE LORDE

Let’s face it, Lorde has managed a longer-lasting monogamous relationship with Taylor Swift than any man has managed.

Ellas before fellas!

[Though we all know Beyoncé makes the greatest life partner of all time. OF ALL TIME.]

 

Miss Universe Australia National Costumes: A Review

Last week marked The 63^rd Miss Universe Pageant, an annual showcase of the most stunning beauty on the planet which billionaire Donald Trump requires to harness and use in regenerating the carcinogenic cell tissue that putrefies beneath his ghastly wig.

You're fired.

Every year, the Parade of Nations segment displays an array of iconic national symbolism from each country’s representative, in the form of a horrendously ghastly fashion calamity. Australia has certainly not shied away from serving numerous offenses to the palate of visual aesthetic over the years with our efforts in national costume design. We pay tribute to these abominations below:

 

2004 – Jennifer Hawkins

 

DESIGNER VISION:

"The traditional frock is a vintage dress line I did when I was in college and depicts the Harbour and foreshores from an aerial view."
- Paris Dwyer

 WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE

The aftermath of a Western Australian coal miner having cleaned his face with a Wet Wipe and used it to blow his nose; not necessarily in that order.
I’ll stick to Google Maps, thanks.

 

2005 – Michelle Guy

 
DESIGNER VISION:
I have scoured dozens of articles online trying to source the designer of this monstrosity.
All I could find was:

“Exactly who was responsible for the ‘national costume’ worn by Perth teenager Michelle Guy during the Miss Universe competition? It seems no-one is owning-up as the creative genius behind the feathery, gum-nutted floral extravaganza, complete with Crocodile Dundee top hat, which has been derided by fashion critics back home...”

- Sydney Morning Herald, May 31^st 2005

WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE

You know a design is bad when the creator remains anonymous. Let’s put Nan’s tablecloth back in the cupboard, hang the floral wreath back up on the dunny wall and never speak of that blasphemous headwear ever again under the sanctity of all that is humanly decent.

 

2006 – Erin McNaught

 

DESIGNER VISION:

Tsk tsk, another cowardly designer laying low from the public backlash of committing the fabric equivalent of a war crime by not attaching their name to their patriotic aberration.
(Utterly understandable.)

WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:

A slutty Halloween costume of Rescue Rangers: Down Under.

 

2007 – Kimberley Busteed

 

DESIGNER VISION:
 “It wasn't up to designers to choose. We just got told what to wear. I thought it showed off Australia well and me as well. It presented the girl that I am."
- Kimberley Busteed 

WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:

A Little Nippers advertisement in the local newspaper. Pigtails and pink sandals? Come on, guys, this is a MISS UNIVERSE pageant broadcast to over a billion people around the world.

 

2008 – Laura Dundovic

 

DESIGNER VISION:
 “Rather than drawing inspiration from Australian characters, such as surfers and shearers, I want to express the natural elements of the country - the colour and shape to create a beautiful sweeping gown that will comment on the sea, sand and desert.”
- Jayson Brundson

WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:

A jellyfish was put through an inkjet printer during a cyan test print.

 

2009 – Rachael Finch

 

DESIGNER VISION:

“A Sunset Over the Opera House creation featuring a silver sequined bodice; a leg-revealing skirt in shades of tangerine, melon and pink; flashes of flesh and a lace-up back.”
- Ruth Tarvydas

WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:

A surgical instructional video on vajazzling.

 

2010 – Jesinta Campbell

 

DESIGNER VISION:
Not even kidding, the designer of this dress tried funding their effort with a $3,000 Pozible kickstarter. It fell short of target after raising only $500 in pledges.
“[The costume] will ooze our rich, unique landscapes by contrasting textures and fabrics. I hope to use elements that are iconic to Australia and want to show our indigenous heritage through colour and mix media.”
- Natasha Dwyer

WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:

A How To Train Your Dragon character fell into a pile of Vegemite labels on their way to Starbucks.

 

2011 - Scherri-Lee Biggs

 

DESIGNER VISION:
“The costume was inspired by Australia's breathtaking landscapes. It represents the whole country from coast to the centre… with a vivid gold belt buckle to represent our booming mining industry.”
- Kooey designer Nikki Silverthorne

WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:

A Despicable Me minion vomiting mulled berry punch everywhere.

 

2012 - Renae Ayris

 

 

DESIGNER VISION:
“I want the design to represent everything golden, prosperous and lucky about Australia… to be really fresh and bright and also represent the sunsets of Australia. It is inspired by the sails of the Sydney Opera House.”
- Jessica Bregenhoj

WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:
A Greek goddess from one of those ‘guilty pleasure’ cream cheese commercials marketed to young suburban stay-at-home mothers.

 

2013 – Olivia Wells

 

DESIGNER VISION:
"I wanted to show the curves of the female form, whilst combining elements of Australian beaches (the cascade of sparkling jewels). The sexy silhouette reflects our weather and beach culture. The ostrich feather reflects Australia's unique fauna…  I grew up by the sand and water, and had seen a documentary on the Great Barrier Reef's ecosystems.”
- Jason Chetcuti

 WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:
A toilet brush after being dipped into a cistern full of Duck brand bowl-rim disinfectant.

 2014 – Tegan Martin

 

DESIGN VISION:
“My costume is inspired by the Dreamtime [with permission from the Wurundgeri tribe]. This gown represents the oldest, ancient, island continent on earth; rich in minerals; surrounded by the azure blue Pacific, Indian and Southern oceans; and embraced by brilliant sunsets.”
- Caitlin Holstock

 WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE:

The third chick from the Destiny Child’s Survivor music video who nobody remembers.

 

With Australia having a rather lazy sense of national identity (What are our national colour themes? True Blue? Green & Gold? Sydney Harbour whites? Earthy outback tones? Sun and surf?) it will always be difficult to represent our continental nation in chiffon form as our representative sash sashays down the runway - but heck, surely professional designers can do a bit better than this line-up of cringe-inducing frock shocks and thumbs-down gown creations?

 

COSTUME IDEAS FOR MISS UNIVERSE AUSTRALIA 2015:

- Craft a giant cubic foam lamington costume

- I’m A Barbie Girl (including shrimp headdress chucked on top)

- Staple Yahoo Serious to the pageant contestant

 - Pay tribute to our monarchist overlords by wearing a Union Jack morphsuit and cape

 

- A lifesized goon bag pegged to a revolving Hills Hoist

 

Anastasia ("Anaconda" Nicki Minaj 50 Shades of Grey parody)

ANASTASIA
(to the tune of "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj)

 

 My Anastasia don't... my Anastasia don't...
My Anastasia don't want none unless you cause harm, son

Hey bae named Grey, lives in Washington State
Bought rope from a Bunnings with a carton of tape 
Got my booty red and raw, gonna give it a callous
Spite and malice, making me scream
With his beatings and violence
How I squeal, squeal, squeal
You know I’ll squirt, check the stains on this Steele
Who wanna get hurt? I got him dusting off his drill
A Tylenol will be my morning after pill
I’ll be your drumkit

 

Christian Grey, wanna flay
Gonna swell as he whipping my weals
Thumbs, I have stuck ‘em under both of his heels
Laying on a Catherine Wheel
Watch my dripping blood congeal
He keep ‘nailing’ me for real
Hit with an electric eel
‘cause he love when I’m groaning
He want something he can stab
Then he’ll pull off every scab
Muffled by my rubber gag like
“Mmph-hrmmph-hmm-rrmph-hrmmph-mmph!”

 

My Anastasia don't... my Anastasia don't...
My Anastasia don't want none unless you cause harm, son

 

Bowline knots… look at her cut
Those iron rods … look at her clot
Snow white bod… look at her smut
Look at that slut (Struck on her butt)

 

This dude’s a psycho with his Dominance bible
Such rigour in his power, it’s so ‘suite’ when he’s ‘bridle’
Black vinyl and zippers, verging on homicidal
When he says he’d ‘tap’ that deep, he be talking ‘bout ‘spinal’

Then it’s clang clang clang
I let him hit it as I hang from chains
He dropping acid on my ankle sprains
I love the pain and ache from muscular strains
Plucking my armpits

 

Fifty Shades, E. L. James
Gonna swell as he whipping my weals
Thumbs, I have stuck ‘em under both of his heels
Laying on a Catherine Wheel
Watch my dripping blood congeal
He keep ‘nailing’ me for real
God, I love the taste of steel
And he love when I’m moaning
Now he got a paddle bat
Soon I’ll need a bodybag
My autopsy on the slab like
“More more more more more more!”

 

My Anastasia don't... my Anastasia don't...
My Anastasia don't want none unless you cause harm, son

 

Bowline knots… look at her cut
Those iron rods … look at her clot
Snow white bod… look at her smut
Look at that slut (Struck on her butt)

 

Crippling my nipples and a hot whipcrack
Dribbling my spittle as you talk that smack
Whip me in the hip until my butt’s crosshatched
No light stuff… hook in my gut

 

My Anastasia don't... my Anastasia don't...
My Anastasia don't want none unless you cause harm, son
My Anastasia don't... my Anastasia don't...
Don't want none unless you cause harm, son

Bowline knots… look at her cut
Those iron rods … look at her clot
Snow white bod… look at her smut
Look at that slut (Struck on her butt)

 

Uh, he love my black straps
Uh-uh-uh-uh
Yeah, this one is for my missies who got that knack to be stuck as Sub
I said, “Where my sadist Sub-missives getting clubbed?”
I’ll need twenty stitches, getting hit by switches in the butt

I wanna see all the sick-sad-men-with-riches-and-a-mother-complex sob
Stuff you if you don’t get vicious
Hit me!
Yeah, my safe word’s “Hit me more!”
Come on!

*whip crack*

Did Girls And Asians Dominate HSC Results This Year? Pretty Much.

Back in mid-October, I made a few observations about successful HSC results over the past 13 years, and noted how certain demographics seemed to make regular appearances in certain subjects, despite the marking process being one of relative anonymity with all students assigned an arbitrary ID number for a fair marking process.

Among these observations were the following key comments:

-          Out of around 800 high schools spread across 809,000km² of New South Wales, 47 out of the 50 top performing schools in 2013 all came from within a 3,000km² area of urban Sydney.

 

 

-          Despite 5% of Australia’s population being Indigenous and <4% of Australia’s population being of Chinese heritage, Indigenous students rarely appear at all in lists of academic distinction, whereas Chinese students appear in the Distinguished Achievers disproportionately higher compared to all other demographics that take up a similar percentage of the Australian population.

 

 

-          There are certain subjects each year which display a notable gender dominance in First In Course results, both involving vast disparity in enrolment and relatively equal enrolment.

-          The Top 7 high schools of 2013 were all selective government schools with a non-English speaking (predominantly Chinese) population of 97%, 94%, 88%, 90%, 90%, 82% and 90% respectively.

-          Rich private schools around the inner city with predominantly Catholic and South African/Jewish populations also perform consistently well in HSC results. A high ICSEA rating (around the 1200 mark) tends to link with highest scoring results.

-          A smaller though noteworthy number of schools with high Indian attendance also perform well in the HSC, despite Australia’s Indian population being significantly smaller than our Italian, Greek, Arabic, Serbian, French, Spanish, German, Macedonian, Croatian, Polish and Turkish-speaking populations.

 

 

-          Girls and Asians generally dominate HSC results.
(The Daily Telegraph seems to have published very similarly-themed articles over the past week, and considering my previous blog was a primary Google result when searching 'Asians HSC' or 'Girls HSC' I can't help but wonder...)

 

 

 

For 2014, the trends stayed generally the same, with 67 girls attaining First In Course wins compared to 38 boys, continuing the academic dominance of girls in recent years. With apparently 75,000 students enrolled in HSC subjects this year (I assume accelerated single-subject Year 11 students were also counted) it was a very large playing field indeed.

Below are some of my more successful 2014 predictions for a number of subjects, based on their general trends over the past 14 years:


DANCE
My prediction: Never, ever ever, a boy or an ethnic.
2014 Winners: Three different White girls.

DRAMA
My prediction: A White girl from the Northern Beaches named Amelia.
2014 Winner: A White girl from Byron Bay named Annabelle.

 

FOOD TECHNOLOGY
My prediction: Never, ever ever a boy.

Girls have won 13/13 years despite 25-33% of enrolments being boys.
2014 Winner: A girl.

 

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, HEALTH AND PHYSICAL EDUCATION
My prediction: A White girl from a rural school.

Twice as many boys take PDHPE than girls but 12/13 wins have been girls.
2014 Winner: A White girl from Parramatta.

 

TEXTILES & DESIGN
My prediction: Never, ever ever, a boy.2014 Winner: A girl.

 

ENGLISH ADVANCED
My prediction: With 30,000+ students of all demographics, I lean slightly towards a girl, and a 1-in-a-thousand crack at Pymble.
2014 Winner: A girl from North Sydney Girls High School.

 

MODERN GREEK BEGINNERS, CONTINUERS AND EXTENSION
My prediction: Wogs.

Every single surname will contain either Z, V, K or OU and end in S, I guarantee it.
2014 Winners: Doulakis, Kefalas and Vallis.

 

ENGINEERING
My prediction: Never, ever ever, a girl. IT WILL BE A BOY.
2014 Winner: A boy.

 

SOFTWARE DESIGN & DEVELOPMENT
My prediction: A White boy from Moriah College. Almost 94% enrolment in SD&D is male.
2014 Winner: A White boy from Normanhurst Boys High School.

 

LEGAL STUDIES:
My prediction: A random name from a school you've never heard of before.
2014 Winner: Spiros Kalavritinos from Georges River College Oatley Senior Campus.

 

MUSIC EXTENSION 1
My prediction: A White boy from a random bogan school.
2014 Winner: A White boy from a random bogan school in Ballina.

 

SOCIETY AND CULTURE
My prediction: An Eastern European girl.

Damned if she doesn't have a Croatian/Serbian/Czech/Russian sounding surname.
2014 Winner: A girl with a Portuguese surname.

 

GERMAN BEGINNERS, CONTINUERS AND EXTENSION
My prediction: Eastern European Whites all around.
2014 Winners: A White girl for Beginners.
An Eastern European White boy for Continuers and Extension.

 

PERSIAN STUDIES
My prediction: [comment amended in sensitivity of recent events in Sydney] A convoluted Arabic surname like Valizadeh Baghjeghaz, Arjomand Bigdeli, Vafaeiafraz or Darvishzadehzolpirani.

2014 Winner: Mohtasham Ansari

AGRICULTURE
My prediction: A Chinese girl from James Ruse Agricultural High School.
2014 Winner: A Chinese boy from Hurlstone Agricultural High School.

MATHEMATICS, EXTENSION 1 AND EXTENSION 2

My prediction: Chinese students from James Ruse with a White first name and ridiculously Asian surname, or a A White boy from Sydney Grammar.
2014 Winners: Paul Yu for Mathematics, Michael Sun from James Ruse for Extension 2.

BIOLOGYMy prediction: Abbotsleigh has beaten James Ruse for Biology 4:3 so I say Abbotsleigh.
2014 Winner: James Ruse.
 
ANCIENT HISTORY, MODERN HISTORY, EXTENSION
My predictions: A White boy from a private Sydney Catholic school for Ancient.
Either a White girl from North Shore or Chinese girl from a Girls’ School for Modern.
A White girl from a random rural school for Extension.
2014 Winners: A White girl from a random rural school for Ancient History.
A White boy from a private Sydney school for Modern.
A Chinese girl from a Girls’ School for Extension.

JAPANESE BEGINNERS
My prediction: A Vietnamese or South Korean girl at a Western Sydney school.
2014 Winner: A Filipino girl at a Western Sydney school.

Two White boys clocked up 9 First In Course wins between them this year.
What they lack in number, they make up for in efficiency.

As you can see towards the end there, my predictions became a little less accurate... and the numerous *omitted* predictions from hereon would display that several past trends were wildly overthrown, such as the first male Visual Arts win in a decade and the notable spike in Indian names this year.

Speculative jokes can only go so far and attempting demographic pigeonholing based on gender, race and socioeconomic location is evidently a flawed exercise.

Best of luck with your tertiary pursuits, students!

40 Big Dick Problems

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